update, where I scan through pictures to remember what I've done in the last two years

brief:  I've been living and mostly enjoying life, writing blog posts in my head for the last two years.  The fourth baby coming along mixed with my work and volunteering made for good blog material.  Just no time to do it.  Maybe there still isn't enough of that elusive time stuff, but I'm going to try.  I'm hoping it helps with the whole solo parent deal we've got going.  There isn't very much adult conversation right now.  So I'm going to talk to myself here.  HA!  We'll see how well that works.

Feel free to stop now.  This is where I start rambling talking to myself.

more details which I may or may not write about in the future: I still teach Play and Learn.  Culture Cinderella was awesome and amazing, and I think I'm going to offer it again.  Since then I've taught Chemistry, Physics, and Playground Party for the 6-8 year olds at our co-op.  We went to the beach every summer, sometimes on a weekly basis.  We went hiking with our families each summer.  We made maple syrup each spring.  We have a cat.  Leah stopped dancing and started riding horses.  Sarah's still dancing.  David tapped for a time.  Now he wants to program computers and take drawing lessons.  We raised toadpoles.  Jesse and the children grew garden, after garden, after garden.  (There are a lot of pictures of beach days and vegetables.)  We went to Ft. Mackinac and saw one of my grandmothers.  Another grandmother died.  One of my sisters made her first profession with the Sisters of Mary.  Then she got to come home for a week.  We took her camping and square dancing.  I got back to Falling Water.  Jesse caught a bat.  David caught a fish.  They went to a Pirate's game.  We met our Norfolk friends up in Pennsylvania.  We spent many an afternoon at the Botanical Gardens, Zoo, and Aquarium.  There are new (to us) cabinets in our kitchen.  I finished one knitting project - the cutest robot you ever did see.  Family came to visit.  The rainbow blocks got played with, a lot.  We picked pumpkins, went trick-or treating, and played in a few musical salons.  Spent Christmas in Pennsylvania with our families.  Had our first and only doctor visit for a sick child.  Poor Anna!  Had our first and only ear infection.  Poor Sarah!  Another sister got engaged.  Then she got married.  I was the matron of honor.  Sarah was the junior bridesmaid.  Leah was a flower girl.  Jesse was children juggler extraordinaire.  ooo!  I knit a doll's hat too!  (I think I knit a few other hats for little girls, but they still have unfinished ends.)  We almost bought a house.  We almost bought another house.  We almost bought another house.  I wanted to buy another house, but then our future here became less certain.  I re-purposed some furniture and re-organized the toy room and library room.  One of my brothers got engaged.  We found Easter eggs in our yard, and lots of red, ripe strawberries.  Jesse took all four children canoeing in the Lafayette River.  (It's just at the end of our street.)  David made his First Communion.  Back to the sister getting married part.  I planned a Bridal Shower.  (You should read that last one again with great emphasis.  I planned a Bridal Shower.)  Leah and David now read short chapter books independently, silently, just because they like to.  Sarah reads Shakespeare and complains that there are not enough looong books for her to read.  Jesse was awarded the Congressional Fellowship.  We visited with friends. frequently.  I sprained my ankle, but it still hurt six months later, so maybe I did something else to it.  We broke the bed.  Jesse fixed it.  We have a new baby.  She's a beautiful, 1931, pear shaped Kanbe.  I could, and do, listen to her for hours.  Anna started to play her own imaginary, independent games.  Now she talks too.  We evacuated due to a hurricane and went north to pick apples and make applesauce, only days after the house shook and cracked a bit in an earthquake.  The hurricane took down a tree and blew a few window panes out.  After almost four months, the windows were finally replaced.  The big girls and I went on a dolphin watch tour.  I spotted the first ones, with my new glasses.  (They look even better on me!)  There were calfs!!!!  We now have two Girl Scouts in our family.  I started teaching Leah's First Communion class.  Moe died.  Jesse finished off half the attic for a room for David, accessed by a rope.  We met our new niece, Nitsah!  Jess and I had an over-due, overnight date.  (It'd been three long years, baby.)  Jesse moved to DC.  I drove to Michigan to see my sister, with all our children, after Jesse moved to DC.  Melanoma was found in a lymph node of Jesse's 94 year old grandfather.  After searching and scanning for cancer elsewhere, finding none, followed by surgery to remove the lymph node, Ray is cancer free and feeling fine.  Except he says he has to take more naps now.  :)  Everyone had birthdays and grew a little, or a lot. *sigh*  All this while I led League meetings, took helping calls, taught piano lessons, taught grades K-6 in our home - just not all at the same time, nursed a babe turned toddler turned preschooler, did the cooking and cleaning, or relied on my husband to cook and clean while I took care of the last bits of my PPD only to discover that there is a little (or a lot, depending on the day) SAD there too.

Now if you've made it this far, you can see why the blog posts are only in my head, if they're thought of at all.

And I'm too tired to form coherent sentences.  I look forward to writing here again.  It was good for me to look back and catch up.  Now it's time to look forward.

me, looking forward and back

today - a decade

Today is March 30th, 2010. I've been waiting for this day for some time. Now it is here, and I better write it down before I forget. Today is the day I can say, "I rock!" (or at least my body does) and really mean it. Today is a day I want to celebrate me and my motherhood journey, so bare with me folks. On this day 10 years ago my journey began. Every day since then (except for the five I was in France) my body has grown, fed and comforted little people. That's 3,645 days of service. The most tiring, exhausting, rewarding, nourishing service I can imagine.

For the last decade my body's been:
pregnant (9 months)
nursing (19 months)
pregnant and nursing (9 months)
tandem nursing (10 months)
pregnant and tandem nursing (3 months)
pregnant and nursing (6 months)
tandem nursing (34.5 months)
nursing (7.5 months)
pregnant and nursing (9 months)
nursing (13 months)

Now I'm going to go take some vitamins! and I think a bubble bath is in order tonight.

book collection

I collect children's books. Since I am a teacher and have four children, it is not a bad thing to collect. They never get dusty. They make me smile. There is always something new to add. There are my old favorites. I can easily find small gems in the thrift store or at a garage sale. It is the best kind of collection, I think.

With all the extra time I had on my hands, no Internet and all, I went and organized my collection.

There it is. I'm not sure how many there are. I stopped counting years ago. However, I know where everything is - fairy tales, counting, colors, bears, monkeys, dinosaurs, favorite authors, award winning books and authors, social studies, and that's only the top row of picture books. Every drawer is full of books too. Once a month I quickly put everything back where it belongs. Once a year I "touch" every book. This makes a catalog in my mind, and I remove duplicates or what we are ready to pass on.

I'm going to move my yearly book review to November. This is when our church collects books for children at the courthouse. They are read to while their parents are in court and then given the book. Many of them have never owned a book. Sarah is still trying to grasp this thought. I am too. Life without my collection is hard to imagine. Here is our pretty little pile for them.

random

Well, yesterday got so full, I couldn't even blog about it. I sat down to do so, and Leah stumbled into the office crying that no one was cuddling with her. After cuddling, I rolled into bed.

I think that is what happened to the blog here. Life got so full my thoughts were all mush by the end of the day. Having a goal to write everyday helps me to retain a few bits of what I want to get out. I think it would also help to have a laptop to carry around the house and some wireless going on, or at least another computer for the kids, but none of that is going to happen any time soon. And having a theme keeps eating away at me. Maybe that would help. I know some blogs do, some don't. The fact that mine doesn't shows that I started it to keep in touch with family, perhaps build some community, but more a space to remember things. The fact that that is bothering me (lack of coherence here) shows that its time to get focused. But on what??

• homeschooling
• present parenting
• natural living
• living frugally
• allergies
• breastfeeding
• knitting

Now is when I get stumped and decided to just keep writing about life and perhaps a common thread will appear, somewhere.

Yesterday began with Anna's "Aaiaheeeee!" She always wakes with a smile. If I'm already up, she'll lay and talk to herself for some time, just like Leah did. If I'm still in bed, like yesterday, she'll wake me up to nurse. What a joy-filled way to start the day! (I just love the family bed! [well, most days.])

2 month old Anna

I went to Bible study with Anna. Jesse stayed home with the others. We're reading Scott Hahn's A Father Who Keeps His Promises. Yesterday there was a guest speaker who shared a bit of Hahn's history with us and her ministry. You could feel the Spirit flow from her. It was nice to feel that again, and come home excited rather than drained.

I needed that excitement for the rest of the day. We had the second and final sugar experiment play date. I cleaned the kids room for the occasion. Well, as clean as 20 minutes with three helpers and a baby could get it. After the day's observations, it was very clear that if you want kids to help pick up, give them candy. Seriously. The house looked better when they left than when they arrived. I joked that I was doing it for the sake of Sarah, not Science. But we had a great time! Every single one of the 13 kids here was awesome. The moms were pretty awesome too! Thank you again for coming out and subjecting your children to sugar for the sake of Science (and Sarah.)

Then it was off to Sarah's dance class, dinner and shopping in the evening. ToysRUs had a few items on sale, namely a Razor scooter, and now my holiday shopping is done! I got Anna to sleep on our bed before I left. At bedtime Leah told Jesse that since Anna was sleeping in his bed, that he could sleep in hers. so sweet and thoughtful...

NaBloPoMo

How do you do it? So, if anyone is still out there, (I know a few are.) and you are anything like me or know someone like me, how do you do it? The whole four kids, homeschooling, teaching outside the home, cooking, cleaning, knitting, planning, blogging part? Maybe I'm forgetting something? Oh yeah, add nursing, volunteering, socializing, partnering, sleeping and chauffeuring to the list. I'll let you know if I think of anything else.

I have a bunch of balls up in the air right now. I dropped the house one. It shattered. I spent two weekends picking up the pieces and have that one back together. I dropped the blog one. You all know what happened here. My one year anniversary went by. My 100th post was back in May. I know by the numbers that others were visiting more frequently than I was. *sheesh*

In an attempt to get myself back in gear here I've joined NaBloPoMo. Some of my friends are writing novels in 30 days. I'm going to post here every day, maybe.

And please leave a comment if you have any blogging tips!

Where I've Been

Here's my favorite commercial, from back when we had TV. This is what I've been up to. Only, I don't look this good, even when I do have the chance to shower. I haven't been writing, so I'm removing that feature for a bit. It's depressing, since I know I'm forgetting things left and right. What have I been doing? Living. Diaper changes. Pillow fights. (Yes. I get Anna happy in another room, and we have at it for 5 minutes.) Breakfast. Shopping. Lunch. (No peanut butter here of course, but I have the same cutting board.) Baths. Dog. (and a cat now.) Dinner. Diaper changes. Outings. Walks. Bedtime. Stories. (*heart* how the baby sneezes here.) and Laundry! (Only, I don't use the dryer anymore.)

I do all that (and a few other things) holding Anna. She's asleep now, but when she's awake, she wants her mama, and she does not want her mama to sit at the computer. That is boring. A teething baby wants some entertainment to ease the pain. She also wants whatever you are eating or drinking, so beware. She may grab a handful of rice and stuff it in her mouth faster than you can respond. She may pat her hand right into your bowl of soup. (ouch! poor baby! It wasn't very hot, but still hurt.)

And that is where I've been. Living life.

changes - blog

Spruced things up here a bit!

There is a new header picture. I really wanted it to be a picture I took. So that is a sunflower in front of the Arts and Science Museum, in Dayton Beach FL. Little people were running off, so I had to snap it fast.

I removed my profile pic. This picture means a lot to me. I am on the carousel at the foot of the Eiffel Tower. Jess and I have a thing for carousels. However, the setting French sun looks really orange when the picture is really small. Someday I will be more than a shadow on my profile.

There is a new family picture. Originally, there was something similar, again taken in front of our hotel in Florida, on my birthday. But it didn't have Anna. I tried an Easter picture. The wee one was screaming. I tried a baptism family shot. We were all very far away. Now, we're just missing Jesse again.

Other than some color tweaking and a few words added or removed, that's it. What do you think?

Cosi fan tutte

So, if your husband forwards an email to you about ODU's opera theatre's final performance and asks if you'd like to go, what is your answer? Come now. You had a baby two months ago. The last time you went out with the man was in December. The last time you used a babysitter in Norfolk was July. You cannot remember the last time you used your teenage babysitter. Close to two years maybe? You say yes!

Then you fret about finding a babysitter. You forget to ask around. You remember that you do not particularly like the opera. You tell yourself that the tickets are cheap. Going out is good. In fact, if you were going to see people stand on their heads, (nothing against those who do) you would. You see the teenage babysitter your kiddos love at the park. You ask. You ask for Friday or Saturday. She says Saturday. This is good, because when you get home, you realize the performance is on Thursday and Saturday. You feel embarrassed. You need more sleep.

So, now you are going to the opera, with your dear husband and two month old baby. You arrive and choose aisle seats towards the back. The baby poops. You go to change the baby before they begin. There are no changing tables. There are no counters. You quickly change the baby on a ledge. It is a small theatre. They hold the show for you. The baby fusses during the introduction. You go out in the hall, but the door will lock behind you. You spoke with the usher before hand. You know him. He is the nice librarian who sees you run in on Monday nights to gather books for your class. He lets you back in. The baby fusses again. You stand in the aisle and she settles.

The show begins. You realize how much you enjoy Mozart's music and style. The voices are thrilling. The artists are amazing. You realize how much of the story is told in their faces. Perhaps this is why you did not like the opera. You were never close enough to understand it.

The baby nurses and sleeps in her sling. The entire time. You return home to find your other three children asleep. All is well. The Opera.

If I had to choose symphony, ballet or opera, I'd opt. for the first two. However, this performance opened my eyes to the opera's beautiful possibilities. I know I enjoyed it more than headstands.

Wednesdays

We're tired.

Teaching on Tuesday is going well, very well. Anna hangs out in the Hotsling. Everyone enjoys their engaging classes and the enriching company. But come Wednesday, we're just tired. We don't go anywhere. We don't get dressed. If I'm lucky, we get half our school lessons complete, and I end the day with a hot shower.

Jesse took the picture this morning. Although I'd just gotten out of bed, I almost fell back to sleep. I love how our arms are in almost the same position.

mermaid with rocks

So I'm sitting up, rocking, trying to decide what I'll teach on Tuesday. I get some mammals paired. I have a few ideas. Nothing is flowing. Then I think of an analogy.

My brain feels like it is bathed in hormones. Well, it is. I can see myself swimming about up there, a happy, calm mermaid. Then you ask me to have a logical thought, say - finish a sentence, make a simple decision, get my thoughts posted here, remember anything, plan a lesson - and it feels like my mermaid has rocks hanging from her tail. I struggle to the surface, trying to emerge from the hormones for a moment, but it ain't easy.

Thank you for bearing with me.

Super Sunday

Surprise! I like football. Most folks don't see this in me, but I'm known to yell at the players to run faster, "go, go, go" and get way too happy about the big plays. (Just try to imagine me leaping up with excitement. See? I even surprise myself.) Harrison's 100-yard interception return for a touchdown tonight? That made history. Holmes winning TD catch with only 35 seconds left? That got him MVP. Roethlisberger heading the 78-yard drive enabling the win? Ben was back.

For those who did not watch and have no idea what I am talking about, the Steelers won the Super Bowl, 27 to 23. They almost didn't make it and had to work for their win. It was an exciting game with a fabulous finish. They are the first team in history to hold the Lombardi Trophy six times.

So there you have it. Now you know how I spend my Sunday evenings, at least when the Steelers are playing. To save some face, I do knit or dust during commercials. I spend half-time organizing. Tonight I got to the laundry shelves. =)

Friday's Favorite picture from the summer

David shot this one. Sarah is showing me a rope invention in the tree. Leah was on the other side of the yard inspecting the garden. I'm eight days pregnant.

Perhaps this is why I struggle to find a larger house. I fell in love with my clothes line this summer. It gets great sun, great breeze and when you go in the side door, the washer's right there. Larger houses usually have smaller yards. (You only see about 1/3 of ours here.) Silly, but I'd miss my rope and little wooden clips.

arugh! a month

So a whole month went by and I didn't post. I randomly realized today that I think it's been a year since I read a book. At this time in my life, my priorities for free time are sleeping, knitting, getting out and blogging. Reading will come back, later. You can now see how much sleeping, knitting, and getting out I've done these last few weeks. I'll be honest. I've mostly slept.

In the last month I:
finished our first energy challenge
lost all my responses to your great comments
finally left on vacation
had a weekend away with Jesse
had my van make "formula"
celebrated Chanukah
celebrated Christmas
had my entire family together (no small feat)
visited with my sister
finished Sister Scarf #7
started Sister Scarf #8, for the 29th time
visited with my Grandma
experienced winter
began nesting
felt quite isolated and lonely

If there is a link to follow in my list, there should be a back entry to go with it. That's the easiest way I could think of to get my thoughts out - baby steps.

Now I'm off to sleep - some more.

Apples and Oranges

Today we have a president elect. Not my candidate of choice, but I'm still curious/excited to see what the future holds.

Yesterday I held my own little election in class. I brought a treat, orange juice and apple cider. We held a vote on index cards. Not many of my students are reading, so I wrote orange juice with an orange marker and apple cider with a red marker. Crayons were passed out. I asked them to put a mark under the one they wanted to have. These kids were great! They didn't quite grasp the concept of keeping their choice a secret, but when you're 3, 4 and 5, it may not matter. Two girls volunteered to tally the votes on their fingers. Everyone counted. Apple cider won, 5 to 3. Two votes came back undecided. Working with young children, I try to be as flexible as I am comfortable. So when we sat down, I served whatever they wanted, however much they wanted. When I got home, there was noticeably less orange juice than apple cider. Interesting...

I know at least one child cast his vote because apple cider was written in red. He loves the color red. He'd never had apple cider. He did try a bit, but was soon drinking orange juice. Some may have thought apple cider would taste more like apple juice? I'm not sure. For whatever reason, one was chosen, but when it came time to consume, they found a preference for the other.

I wonder if our nation will feel the same way in a few years.

MIA

Sorry I have not been around. Thank you for your patience. My brother and his family were visiting this past week, for a total of 6 days. Before that we were cleaning and organizing and cleaning and decluttering and cleaning some more. I hope to get back into a blogging swing soon. I also have a few back-entries I want to get on here, so keep checking beyond this post for a few days. Very good news - I now feel much more comfortable in my "space", both immediate and widespread, and am not ready to move in a heartbeat. It feels good to finally start rooting.

Debating my Indecisiveness at 20 wks

Now this finally was a debate. We did not watch. We listened, to the entire thing. (And yes, I did take a long hot shower in the middle. I had a tradition to uphold. ;) I loved it! But I'm still undecided. I've never considered myself undecided before. It's an odd feeling. I'm leaning, but haven't made a firm decision yet. I think the current state of affairs is so murky, I cannot make out a clear picture for the future, and which candidate is best suited for the position. I'm sure I'll see one soon. In the mean-time, Jess and I agree that Bob Schieffer was the best moderator and this debate gives us much to discuss.

Now for the 20 weeks.... drum roll please. I'm halfway folks! Unless she's moving around, which she does a lot, or I wake up with an aching lower back, or I crave the oddest things at the oddest hours, or I'm in the bathroom either frequently or for forever, or... Oh, never mind! I guess I do feel pregnant. =) It's just that the first half has flow by. It's hard to believe. If I remember correctly, the next 18-21 weeks will drag, especially the last four. I want to enjoy feeling good as long as I can.

Watered Down Debate

What is it with me and water and presidential debates? Last night I listened while scrubbing the bathroom for 45 minutes and soaking in a hot bath. Sorry I do not have anything intelligent to share. I do not think the debates sway many voters, and except for the toilet and sink, my bathroom harbored more than a month's worth of dust and soap scum.

Plus, I realized I don't really have to watch. I live with, trust and love my very own political scientist. =) I mean, my man studies why politicians make the decisions they do, among other things. So, if he says there wasn't enough time for the candidates to respond to and rebut each other, I do not feel the need to form a different opinion.

In case you're wondering, his verdict on the VP debate was that it was pretty typical. It put us both to sleep. I was knitting while still awake, so I did not see any winking or smirks. He says the first debate was one of the best he's seen, with thoughtful responses.

I think I'll leave the analyzing to him. It's one of his specialties. Next Wednesday you'll probably find me back in hot water. ;)

communication

I'm hoping to keep this short. It's the end of a long day.
Today I drove to Richmond for LLL's CSEs. (La Leche League's Communication Skills Education) I gained so much from the two sessions I attended in Pittsburgh before we moved, and was very excited to refresh my listening and communication skills. In all, it was worth my time and trip, but did not deliver the "wow" I got three years ago. I saw where I've grown - and where I still need to work. (Keeping the spotlight off myself is still there, but getting easier.) A few details were new. Remembering the general concepts was reassuring.

We practiced all the different ways to respond to mothers. Again, I got a practice statement that hit too close to home, about a mother gossiping. This time it triggered another anxiety attack. How embarrassing! I wish I could get a little ticker tape warning, "In about 90 seconds you will start crying uncontrollably, your heart will race and you'll be short of breath. Get some water and fresh air now, be conscious of your breath and watch for triggers." Instead... well I guess it would not be called an anxiety attack if you knew it was coming. ;)

Claire was there! It was wonderful seeing her. She taught me a good lesson: always listen closely to my inner voice. I kept thinking I should invite her. I didn't because I thought I was too late, a day past the registration deadline. We SO could have carpooled! We hopefully will for the next one, come April. She also reminded me what a delightful, dedicated mother she is, and pretty cool friend.

Lastly, I felt baby move last night. I guess it was early this morning, 2:30. All that squirming actually woke me up. I thought maybe it was a dream, but on the way home I felt the distinct connection between baby and bladder. oh, the joys to come!

Growth

Today I am 16 weeks pregnant. This is the same as the beginning of the second trimester and the fourth month. I feel like we've all met "milestones" around here.

dear baby,
You keep growing and growing! I get the babycenter weekly email for your sister Sarah's sake. She loves knowing all about you. This week you'll grow toenails. Your ears continue to develop. I should feel you move soon. You're 4 1/2 in. long from head to little behind. This is about the size of all your siblings' hands. Visualizing how big you are seems to make you a bit more "real" to them. Your brother finally admitted that you are here. His first reaction to you was, "Stop kidding with me! You're joking! Your tummy isn't big enough for a baby!" Last night he said, "Mom, the baby is growing. Your tummy is getting bigger." (Thanks, bud! ;)

dear bean,
Would you PLEASE stop growing? pretty please? Your toddlerhood is a distant memory. Now you are racing through the preschool years? You play and play and play some more, usually with a stuffed "lost" kitty or your siblings. You keep begging to do "school". We tried MBtP. You do option 1 for the activities, when there is an option 2 for David, and love it! Now you know the habitats of different animals, can identify natural and human resources and continue to point out the community workers you see as we walk and traverse town. You filled an alphabet practice book and yearn for more. You continue to amaze me with your adorable disposition! Although the adamant "no!"s of 4 have begun, your sweet "sure" still brings a smile. And where would I be without your random hugs and kisses? hugs and kisses to you my bean-babe!

dear buddy,
Wow man! You can multiply! You sure have a thing for numbers, and Miquon seems to be just the right fit. You can read! Just short, sort vowel books, but that is where most of us start. And what about your questions? The 5's Whys are in full swing! First: "What is this?" (I thought it might be an old piece of decaying dog poop you found on our walk, and asked you to put it down.) Followed by: "Why do flies lay their eggs on dog poop? Why do the baby flies grow there? Why do flies lay their eggs on people poop? Why do flies lay their eggs on all kinds of poop? Why if a fly is sitting near the toilet looking for poop will it get flushed down? Why is the push down thing (handle) on the toilet? Why does the water go out? Why do they recycle toilet water?" Later: "Why can the sun get covered up by clouds sometimes?" So you do wonder about topics other than flies, poop and toilets. ;) You have such an inquisitive mind! And imaginative too. What you create with Legos is so cool! (You cannot wait to get your Lego crane for Leah's birthday.) Your self-control and awareness is developing by leaps and bounds as you make and keep friends. Your kindness towards Leah is heartwarming, while your cooperative play with Sarah floors me. I love you bud boy!

dear begeara,
You sure shocked me this week! Double digit addition with carrying in your head? I didn't teach you that one! Now you're trying the same thing with subtraction? Slow down, girlfriend! I love watching you read. Today I almost stopped you. I thought you were in a bit over your head. But I bit my tongue. As you progressed through the first chapter, your sentences became smoother and you struggled with fewer words. You did it! Guess what? The back of the book says it is aimed at pre-teens and teens. I did a little grade level graph on it that I learned back in college. It's at 7th grade girl! And all your inventions? I think your chair/stool is waiting for further development, but now there is a skateboard in the front yard with bi-bamboo wings taped to it. =) Your art, especially that of religious subjects, is beautiful. You've begun to find creative ways to work with those younger than you. Your helpful spirit and empathy are shining through. You continue to run and jump and climb. And today, school was "good". Not "very good" you noted, but good is still good. Life is good hon. Love, mommy

dear self,
Man! Sorry it's been so long since I've written, like maybe a decade. You are doing well, better. Your self-awareness is growing. I think you're still in that cocoon of yours, but at least you are learning what kind of butterfly you want to be. You went to a playdate today. You had a short anxiety attack beforehand; you were so nervous. I'm trying to be gentle and understanding with you and your feelings, but part of me wants you to "grow up" and "get over" all the hurt. Yes, nasty rumors were spread, but they're not supposed to hurt you, just the "sticks and stones", right? Wrong. Time will help. She always does. And more prayer. And more hugs. You got two hugs as soon as you walked in at the playgroup. That helped, bunches. You've "popped"! No one today believed you, but I took pictures to prove it. You can still do locust and boat in yoga, but not for much longer. =) You're walking now and writing and knitting. You may want to start planning your lessons. Classes start in three weeks. (Just a friendly reminder.) You need to get more sleep, but don't we all. *HUGS*

once I went a walking

Ask and you shall receive. The sun was out this morning. =)

Along with our scrumptious weather it brought out walkers I haven't "met" yet. Mom with babe in stroller was standing on a corner, joined now by another mom with stroller and two more women, all doing more chatting than walking. New couple was out with their large poodle and crossed the street so as not to share the sidewalk with me. New college student crossed the bridge. Brown-and-white dog (with walker of course) was new too. Then there were the regulars: slim trim mom who jogs with red jogger and prim perfect golden, girlfriends who look uncomfortable jogging and are always talking, yellow lab with a different companion though who wore a walking cast. Talk about dedication!

With the wind, the river was rough and lapping the shores. The clouds were white and perfect and like the artist couldn't decide which type of smattering and smearing to use. There were roses blooming in one yard. (They bloom in May and October here.) A few crepe myrtle were trying to hold on to their final magenta blossoms.

One piece was missing - my walking buddy. Miss you bunches!